Now i'm no Albert Einstein, BUT.......

This post is not completely about drug seekers, it's more about people who take advantage of the pain medicine that is handed out in the ER like condoms at your high schools nurses office.  Now I realize that pain is subjective, but when you enter a patients room and they are snoring at 1000 decibels, tucked comfortably into their heated blankets, making you call their name three times and give them a sternal rub or two to wake them up....this is not the best time to tell me that you are having 9 out of 10 pain.  It is also not wise to tell me that you cannot take tylenol and can ONLY take oxycodone because you THINK that only one kidney is functioning and Tylenol is cleared by the kidneys.  Heres why:

Number one... I will STRONGLY take into consideration that you are sound asleep breathing 8 breaths per minute with a pulse ox of 88% because you PRE MEDICATED yourself in the waiting room with "your" narcotic pain medication that was not prescribed to you...before you came to the ED

Number two... When you are slurring your words worse than someone who has had half their tongue cut off, and make me add STROKE to my list of differential diagnosis... I will fail you on a swallow screen and make you NPO because i don't feel comfortable that you can control your oral secretions... and you will by no means get that TASTY turkey sandwich you have hit your call bell 15 times for. 

Number three... You will severely piss me off, and I will find a way to professionally make you reconsider playing me for a fool, without neglect.

Thank you for your time :)